Friday, September 26, 2008
Once Upon a Plague
unlock the doors
open the windows
come out and breathe the fine air
play with the dead animals and caress the soil
for today will be the first day again
see the clouds moving and giving way to a bright new sun
listen closely and you will hear the birds' song still in the sky
though their bodies lay motionless at your feet
breathe in, my dear
breathe out
now that you're free to come out again
you will still feel me
you will still feel my presence even though i'm long gone
for the misery surrounding you will cast a permanent shadow on your thoughts
tormenting your memory with the fire that used to burn
you can come out now
you can breathe the air
and even though my love has gone
you will still find it there
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Sofa
this sofa.
back when i was 12 years old, i kissed shirley marshall on this very same couch. my parents were out and she came over and we were watching some movie, can't really remember which one it was, but i remember that kiss like it was yesterday.
this sofa.
two years after that i had my first sexual experience on this couch. i was also watching a movie, but this time it was with beatrice macdonald. my parents were out of town for the weekend. she came over. larry and the guys were also supposed to come over, but something happened on the way and they couldn't make it. thank god. like all first times, it was rather awkward, and things didn't turn out the way they were supposed to, but it was special. oh, and for some reason i do remember which movie we were watching, but that's not important.
this sofa.
i made love to lots of girls on it during my highschool years, and when i went off to college i kind of missed it. having sex on my bed wasn't bad, but i guess i just missed the sofa's charm. any position i decided to be on was the right one, was comfortable, was right. every now and then when i was visiting my family, i didn't waste a single moment to have sex on it, or hey, just sit or lie there and watch tv. i wasn't going back home, i was going back to the sofa.
then i met claire. and we fell in love. when i went home for thanksgiving on my senior year, she came with me and we just lied on the couch, talking, kissing, making love whenever my parents were out. everything was perfect. it became such an important part of our lives, i was so glad she understood its magic.
this sofa.
when we god married and moved into our own apartment, my mother knew this was the first and most important piece of furniture i needed to have... WE needed to have. and i was always very thankful that i didn't need to ask for it, she just gave it to me. my dad wanted to give me a new one, said it was too old and smelly, ha, but mother knew it was the right thing to do.
so that was our apartment. very small, one bed in the bedroom, the tv and the sofa. we spent most of the time on the sofa, watching tv, eating, talking, making love. the sofa became our apartment, it became OUR home. sometimes it was difficult for us to sleep on the bed, at night she would wake up and drag me by the arm to the sofa. there we would sleep so deeply. we were at peace.
this sofa.
our home began to have more furniture. there was finally a table where we could eat, some bookstands, desks, lamps, everything. it looked like a real home. and in the middle of all the new furniture was this old sofa. several times we would stand on store windows just looking at the sofas, the new sofas, and nobody said a word. we both knew that buying a new sofa was the "correct" thing to do, but that meant letting go of OUR sofa, our special sofa, and that was definitely a no-no.
franklin was born and with him came a new air in our home. he became an extension of our life, of our home, of the sofa. now this piece of furniture was a cradle, not only to claire and i, but now to the three of us. we would move the real baby cradle next to the sofa, and just sleep there in the living room. our backs never hurt. i guess happiness protected our bodies from any pain. we were a happy family. a happy family in a happy home. but then it all changed. children change everything. franklin changed our lives.
this sofa.
yes, it was old, and yes, it probably was dirty. claire started sleeping in the bedroom more frequently. she said that the sofa was so dirty, it was not good for the baby. at first i got mad, but i understood her. i got the sofa cleaned, it cost a fortune. i thought that would make everyone happy again. but she was so concerned for franklin that she spent less and less time on the sofa. even though it was clean, it didn't look clean. that was her view on the subject. for her, it was never to be clean again.
so we started to grow apart. i spent more time on the sofa, she spent more time in the bedroom. some days i would force myself to sleep with them, but i didn't feel she was appreciating it. i would go to bed with her, and as soon as she fell asleep, i would go to the living room and lie down in MY cradle. i slept like a baby there. and the sex, well, there wasn't that much of a sexlife anymore, but the times we did make love, she preferred to do it on the bed. she didn't want her naked body to be in contact with the supposedly existent dirt on the sofa. we grew apart.
this sofa.
i've been sleeping on this sofa for six months now. she closes the bedroom door every night. we hardly speak. last time we had a real conversation, it was about the divorce. i'm moving out in two days. i found a little apartment on the other side of the city. it's very nice. i'm ready to start my new life. i've been thinking about it, and it makes me happy. having my own place, nobody's but mine, it makes me feel young again. it's something i'm looking forward to. new apartment, new life, new bed, new tv, new dishes, new silverware... and that sofa. that old stupid dirty sofa.
you know what?
you can keep the sofa, bitch.
The Bet
she said i t was going to be ok.
she lied, but i knew she was lying.
and that's how i realized i loved her.
she had a lover.
i think it was ricky.
i had one, but marie moved abroad last year.
i think we both knew about each other's affairs but that didn't stop us from changing our lives and devote ourselves to one another.
we had broken up several times, and several times we got back together.
we used to joke with our friends that they were free to bet how long we would last together.
we laughed, but we were actually sad deep inside. we only wanted to be happy.
on our last vacation we went to visit her parents.
we died on the airplane.
i never thought i'd die on an airplane crash.
we were arguing.
it was very uncomfortable to argue in public, because we didn't want to make a scene. it was always better if we were all alone and we could shout and yell.
just before crashing she held my hand.
she said it was going to be ok.
i smiled.
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