A Distant Siren

the magic nights are over, but i tremble like a man whenever your face comes into my mind. i always feel like i'm about to crash. my body is always tense. my fingers clenched to thin air. i'm just waiting for that crash. it's like waking up on your first day blind. it's like singing a song not yet written.

the magic nights are over, but i find myself crying in weddings, and laughing in funerals. your hands still grip me as if you're protecting me from myself, but you're miles away... who knows where. you just have to scream and i will find you.

the magic nights are over, but i'm still in love with you. once you've been mine, you will always be mine. i turn around when i think i hear your name. i listen to new songs i imagine you like. i go to restaurants we should have gone to but i never took the time. i buy you gifts, even though they'll never reach your hands.

the magic nights are over, but this bed still smells of you. i should have tried a little harder. i should have been more mature. a distant yell boosts up the siren in me. the fire seems to consume everything around me, but your face still saves me from getting burned.

the magic nights are over, and i still remember the pain. i can stand in front of the sea, and see the things you used to see. it doesn't matter if i don't understand them. i only have to use the words you used to describe them to me, and everything makes sense.

the magic nights are over, and i still try to make myself forget you. i still lie to myself and say i am happy. i still pretend to grow up without you. i still think it will be alright. i still miss you. i still love you. i'm still dead. you can still save me.