But Hey: Nightclubbing (Part 1)

Lauren brought the car to a halt. I knew what was coming.
“You wanna go to a fucking club or what?", she asked.
"Yeah, of course I wanna go to a fucking club. I wanna go out. Just like we planned".
"Then why are you fucking breaking my balls?"
Women don't have balls, but I'm thinking that correcting her is not the best thing to do at the moment. I know what her problem is. She has named four places to go, and I have said no to each and every one of them. But hey, I have my reasons.
1) Nottingham Disco & Bar - The music is rubbish. Yes, I like the eighties, but I'm in no mood to hear Walking on Sunshine or Down Under tonight, or any night for the rest of my life, for that matter.
2) Bella Nova - Definitely a no. Sharon is always there, and I know I don't want to run into her. Sharon happened way before I met Lauren, and they don’t know each other, but you can bet your ass Sharon will do anything to let Lauren know that we were very intimate in the past. VERY intimate. Yes, of course, everybody has a past, but believe me, Lauren does not want to know about Sharon and me. Bella Nova, nova way.
3) El Paso Joe's - I don't wanna sit down and eat mozzarella sticks all night. Now, that doesn't mean I wanna be dancing my ass off all night. Lauren knows I don't dance, but hey, if I wanna sit down, I'll stay in my fucking house, know what I mean? Fuck El Paso Joe's.
4) RadioActive: OK, I have to admit that this is the best option so far, but Renee LIVES in this fucking place. She's ALWAYS there. And everybody knows how much I LOVE her. OK, I don't love her, I just wanna fucking rip her clothes apart and... you get the picture. And how does everybody know this? Oh well, it all started with that stupid game of "Never Never" (well, that's how we call it, anyway), where someone says "I have never blah blah blah", and if you HAVE done that specific thing, then it's bottoms up for you. Of course, when you're playing with tequila, by the fifth question, you'll be honest about anything. And believe me, you do not want to play this with your girlfriend. No, sir. I should have never played that shit with Lauren, but hey, I did, and know she and everybody knows that I want to fuck Renee so bad. I don't even know Renee, that's what's fucking absurd. I think we've been introduced twice, but she never remembers me. She's this big hot broad from the radio, you know the kind - "I know I'm fucking hot, but I'll stay behind the mic, where no one can see me. No TV for me. NO, sir. I’m way too hot for TV". THAT HOT is what I'm talking about. That's Renee. The woman drives me crazy. So no, RadioActive is not an option.
"Don't break my balls, baby. Pick a place, please. I wanna party".
She wants to party. I hate when she says she wants to party. Just say you wanna go out. I get the point. Don't say part-ey. Shit. RadioActive. The music is excellent. Really obscure rock/electronic from the 80s and 90s. It's good to know 90% of the songs when almost none of the people recognize even one. I love that. Music's great. It’s pretty cheap. I can drink many vodka tonics, get wasted, have a good time and not spend even half as much as with El Paso Joe's fucking mozzarella sticks. I know The Pope in there, or Popy as we call him, that means an easy way to get some blow. I even know the fucking security guard near the bathroom, so I don’t have to wait to powder myself up. Shit. Renee will be there.
"Baby, I wanna go somewhere right fucking now. I wanna PART-EY".
Fuck. RadioActive it is.
"OK, baby", I say with Bambi eyes.
"You win. Let’s go to Radio”.
"I love you", she says.
I smile. Renee better be there.