But Hey: Nightclubbing (Part 5)

“You know, that was very nice of you, what you did over there”, says Renee.
Now, I’m alone. Lauren’s in the bathroom. Renee is talking to me. I feel like I’ve just pushed Leonardo off the fucking Titanic, and spared everyone from half a fucking movie, this way earning the title of King of the Fucking World. You’re all welcome, assholes. So yes, I’ll talk to Renee. And even though I know what she’s saying, and I know what she means – yeah, the glass of vodka, the vodka tonic I bought her – I proceed to ask.
“And what exactly did I do over there?”, I say this in my most sexy fucked up voice.
“You know, that drink you gave me”, and I swear she’s flirting with me. I’m not drunk. Not yet. She’s flirting with me alright.
“Oh, that was nothing”, and I swear I can hear all the fucking James Bonds rolled into one big JB when I say this. This is my James Bond moment. She smiles.
“And your girlfriend doesn’t mind?”
Shit. She has mentioned Lauren. Not good. And I know this is stupid, and I will regret it, but I don’t give a damn. I swallow the last half of my drink down, and say the words that will definitely cost me a lot of trouble in the future. The fucking near future.
“Who? That girl? She’s not my girlfriend”.
Renee smiles, and I know she knows I’m lying. But the good part is that she smiled. So me lying means me flirting. Flirting back. Remember she was flirting first. She knows I‘m flirting. She’s smiling. I wish Lauren would fall down in the bathroom and break her neck with the toilet. Please, don’t let Lauren come back. Please.
“So what do you do?”, Renee asks me and I just can’t wait to tell her all about what the fuck I do.
“Well, I’m a…”, but Walt comes running towards me, and the fucker stands, again, in front of me. Right between Renee and me. I hate him so much right now. I hate his fucking guts.
“Hey man, it’s Lauren. She’s dancing with some guy on the dance floor”.
Now, I get anxious for a second, but hey, that’s fucking great. Just makes it all fucking great. If Lauren’s with some guy, then there’s nothing wrong with me being here FLIRTING with Renee. This is my night.
“Great. No problem, Walt”, I smile to my friend, and smile back to Renee.
Walt just says, “Oh OK. (Silence) I’m gonna do some more blow”, and goes away, as fast as he showed up.
“So, where were we?”, James Bond moment building up again.
“You were telling me you’re a…”, and she’s fucking smiling and flirting and she wants me so bad.
“Right. I’m a…”.
“Hey baby”, a gorilla stands right in front of me, between Renee and I, just like fucking Walt, except this guy’s huge, and suddenly I’m not staring at some coked up eyes, but a sweaty back.
“Hi babe”, says Renee as she kisses him on the lips. No tongue, just a lippy kiss, the kind women give to their boyfriends in public places.
“Look, this is…”, and she moves the guy to a side, and tries to introduce him to me.
“Ah, Jack. Jack…”.
“Hi”, says the fucking gorilla and he turns his back on me again and keeps talking to his sweetheart. The nerves on that guy.
Renee looks at me from behind the gorilla, and says “Well, bye, nice to meet you…”.
“Jack”.
“Bye”, and she’s gone.
I wanna die.
I look to my right and see Lauren dancing with some asshole. She’s looking at me and she’s smiling. I know she has seen everything. She saw how I flirted with Renee, she saw how the gorilla came, and she saw how they left. Together. I bet she even knows that right now Renee still doesn’t know my fucking name.
This is not my night.
I hang my head down, take a deep breath, put the empty glass on a table, and head to the dance floor.
“Hey Panda. Where the fuck have you been?”, I say.
This is definitely not my night.