The words the heart dictates

a friend of mine recently published a blog about nina simone, and that forced me to search for my copy of david bowie's cover of wild is the wind, a song that nina also covered and, we could say, made her own. bowie in the mid 70s met nina simone and decided to make his own version of that wonderful song, originally recorded by johnny matthis. this song appeared in bowie's album station to station and it transmits all the desperation and emotion that bowie was experiencing at that moment, when his cocaine-filled persona was changing music in a way that nobody imagined.

i had not listened to it for some time and the first thing that came back to my mind was a particular line from the lyrics that bowie changed... or did he? one part of the song, in an acapella moment of glory, says "you're spring to me, all things to me ... don't you know you're life itself". beautiful lyrics that were part of the original song. but when bowie reprises those lines in the second part of the song, in a little more passionate and frenetic way, one can hear "you're spring to me, all things to me... don't you know your life... IT'S HELL".

numerous rumours abound about this specific line. did he actually say that? is it just a trick of sound? maybe somewhere these questions are answered, but i still haven't found them. i want it so bad to be "don't you know your life it's hell" because it's bowie making it his own, and it has such strong staying power in my mind... and that's when i realized that i don't have to find bowie to ask him what he said. in my heart that's what i hear, and that's what i want to hear. so that's it. there's nothing else to look for.

on a similar note, roy orbison's beautifully short epic running scared is the typical 60s teen drama, and orbison's malevolent grasp of emotion presents a detailed story of a man in love, but so afraid that his girl's former lover would appear, that he just can't bear imagining himself in that precise moment. at the end of the song, of course, the "enemy" appears and it's up to the girl to decide who to go with. in the last verse we hear "then all at once, he was standing there. so sure of himself, his head in the air. my heart was trembling, which one would it be... you turn around, and walk away with.........." and in that final word, in an operatic falsetto, orbison either says ME or HIM. i never really knew for a long time. in my heart i so wanted him to have said HIM, because i think it just goes with the emotion of the song; it's very powerful, and very sad and you can actually feel his fear, so a happy ending never seemed ideal for me. sadly, years later i found out that he actually sang ME. so yes, that shattered my dreams. i still hear it and sing it with the word HIM, because, like in bowie's case, that's what my heart sings, and what else should matter? luckily, in the 80s nick cave and the bad seeds recorded a version, and in their own desperate, angry and sad way, they changed the lyrics to fit my needs, with the last line being "you turn around and walk right out on me".

that's why, no matter what you tell me, i'll only hear what my heart understands, what it says. and yes, that stubborn attitude towards life can get you in a lot of trouble, but it can also get you in love... which is basically the same thing.