Memories

walking on a desolate street. dancing to a silent waltz. gazing at the fake dark sky behind us.
how strange and peaceful it is to feel we're building lasting memories when the future seems so uncertain, yet so beautiful.

Connection

if you hold my hand while we sleep,
we'll be able to dream the same thing

Danger

I won't crash... not today.

Not when you're here by my side. Not when there's a reason to wait for tomorrow and see you again. Not when I feel we're indestructible in the face of danger.

I won't crash... not when the future seems so uncertain that it begs to be discovered. Not when that blurred future is the most beautiful sight to grace my eyes in a long time.

I won't crash... not when you're kisses are protecting me. Not today.

I'd love to

"there's no one in view... just you... just you... that's all... that's all"

- Steven Patrick Morrissey

Beautiful Confusion

confusion takes a hold of my mind as words make their way out of my mouth. some of them come out intact, some are slightly disguised in order not to express their true meaning, which would expose me in front of you like a drunken magician. and yes, some words stay in, waiting for a day when i hope they can reach you the way their meant to be heard, read, or touched.

thank goodness i'm confused... for i wouldn't know where to hide my face if my heart poured out the words it's really dying to say.

Black

it's like being in complete darkness without any sense of touch... boy, do i hate kissless good-byes

December the Second

little will spare this day from being remembered in the hearts of millions as a day of death, of mourning, of silence. she changed that, at least for me. before that winter of sadness comes to my mind, her kisses will make me smile amongst the killing cold.

Roman Vain Cage

i never dream... but in bed, i do think a lot about her... which in the end... is the same thing.

Dead

we have a dead ball in a court...





Part 5 of a series of 10 entitled: John Cusack strikes back

"you don't bring me flowers"

please, let me finish the sentence with the word anymore





Part 4 of a series of 10 entitled: John Cusack strikes back.

The Bell

in a drunken haze i spilt it all
how come days like those seem so far away...
so lost... never to return...?
well, a week is just a week when eternity doesn't decide to freeze for a second

but i'll be here, for better or for worse...
right in this corner... waiting for the life blow!




Part 3 of a series of 10 entitled: John Cusack strikes back.

Orbit

cut my strings, let me loose
let me fall fast like rocks among the rain
and kick me hard, so far away
to always fall through night and day





Part 2 of a series of 10 entitled: John Cusack strikes back

Longing

suddenly, everything around me, from despair to the most insignificant object, seems like a coincidence... everything except the passing of time.





Part 1 of a series of 10 entitled: John Cusack strikes back.

Sistinas

Take my hand
you'll never find another quite like mine
If you look you'll see that
I'm a lonely one

I lost my soul deep inside
And it's so black
and cold deep inside

Sistine smile
You'll never know the trap it's set
And if you did
you'd never look
into its eyes

I lost my soul deep inside
And it's so black
and cold deep inside

The sun don't shine
The wind won't blow
When you go hide
Without your love
I'm lonely
deep inside

Deathpoint

in heaven, no one can hear you curse :(

The Dead Angel of Salvation

charred remains on a swollen path to pleasure
take me in your arms and wake me up from this dream
i won't rest until you've saved me, until you've cured me
i won't rest until you leave
how can i be cleansed from what you call misery
when misery stands naked in front of your eyes, not mine
if i need to be dirty to be get clean
then dirt i shall embrace with glee
and it'll all be your fault, my dear
it'll all be your fault, my "saviour".

Nameless you

why did she go?
why did she say good bye?
where is her heart?

all compassion removed from her...

Swastika Eyes

parasitic

syphilitic

Josh Fenderman (Reprise)

The One and Only... Josh Fenderman

http://joshdance.ytmnd.com/

"It's pumpkinninny!"

The Day Before the Shipwreck

you said we would go down...
i didn't believe you

"Poems" by Nearly God

Tricky:

I can vibe to anything
Do I have to hide from everything?
Everybody wants a piece of me
Reach their origin and cease to be
Sit back and let it happen,
Let us take your time away.
I don't understand you.
I don't want your time of day.
If you're gonna walk, might as well walk your way
Always walk the hallways,
Forget the punk,
I pack the funk.
I'm gonna take a piece of you.
Making money for good health,
But first I learn to see myself
But first I learn to see myself
You promised me poems
You promised me poems
You promised me poems

Terry Hall:

I ruse the day that I ever met you,
And deeply regret you getting close to me.
I cannot wait to deeply neglect you,
Deeply forget you,
Jesus believe me
You promised me poems.
You might have been my reason for livin'
I gave up on givin', gave up everything.
We were a right pair of believers
A couple of dreamers,
So how come you hate me?
You promised me poems
You promised me poems
You promised me poems
Promised me poems

Martina Topley Bird:

Dreamed of ringing voices,
And contemplated choices.
Taste like a real kiss,
To heighten my awareness.
With all fairness, greatness with gratitude.
And simply riled with attitude
Now do promotion on TV, and ya still can't see.
We're down the hill cascade
And keep away the masquerade,
Dreamed of ringing voices,
And you promised me poems
You promised me poems
You promised me poems
You promised me poems

written by Tricky and Terry Hall

The Cup o' Joe

(Jail - Doug brings Pacey some coffee.)

Doug: You were in rare form tonight.

Pacey: How bad do I suck?

Doug: So what seems to be the problem?

Pacey: There is no problem, Dougie.

Doug: Oh, come on, Pacey. I found you hanging from a tree getting completely wasted.

Pacey: Huh?

Doug: So what is it, a girl or something?

Pacey: What?

Doug: Okay, so it's a girl. Who is she?

Pacey: Do you know what, Dougie? It's really not that important, okay?

Doug: Okay. (goes to leave)

Pacey: I'll tell you something, though... She is really, really, annoying!

Doug: Yeah?

Pacey: Yeah, I mean, this girl is amazing. There is not a single subject on the face of the planet that she doesn't have an opinion about. It's mind boggling.

Doug: Well, that certainly sounds like a nightmare.

Pacey: Well, no, I mean... It's not quite like that. I mean, you gotta understand that the girl's really smart, so she's usually right and when she argues, it comes from this really beautiful, pure place. So, I mean, how can you fight against that, you know? Especially if you're a smart ass like me.

Doug: Is she pretty?

Pacey: Yeah, she is pretty. She is very, very pretty. She's actually the kind of pretty that gives you butterflies, you know what I mean?

Doug: Yeah, never lose the butterflies.

Pacey: What?

Doug: You know, maybe that's what sucks about getting older. Somewhere along the line, you just, lose the butterflies. So the question is, little brother, what are you going to do about it?

Pacey: Do?

Doug: Yeah. Do as in, do something. Take action.

Pacey: No, I don't think you're really, properly grasping the gravity of this situation, Dougie. You see, if I was actually to do something about this, there is the strong possibility that the sun would cease to shine. The tides would cease to rise. In fact, I'm betting there's a pretty good chance that the very earth would crack open and Capeside would become home to a huge hellmouth, that would spew forth endless hordes of monsters and demons that would choke the denizens of this city, making them fall to their knees and pray for return to the days before I took action. That's really what we're talking about here.

Doug: Yeah, maybe. Look, Pacey, uhhh, in my experience you don't come across that many people with the ability to give you butterflies. You just don't. And if you don't tell this girl how you feel, well, it'll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison.

(Doug goes to leave)

Pacey: Hey, Doug?

Doug: Yeah?

Pacey: Thank you.

The Misunderstood

there's nothing arrogant, violent or pornographic in my thoughts.

you just haven't loved.

The Object of my affection

there's a little trick i learnt from you
it hasn't made my life any easier so far

Faultline

there's a crack on the wall, it's been there for ages. but this wall still holds this roof on top of us. it might be weaker than it was some years ago, but it's still there, doing its job. it's a little bit like love. it's a little bit like us.

Insert name here

the book of love as written by _______________.

Heaven

in heaven... no one can hear you scream

prepare to get the beejesus f-ed out of you




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The Threat

a threat is no longer a threat when your heart desires it.

The Zealous

this overlooked gem
this long lost forgotten object
how come it's somebody's favourite work of art and not mine?

what did i fail to see?
what did i ignore?
it's far from late to claim that which now feels my own.

you may think it's wrong
you might not agree
but today you belong to me

prepare to be mine

The Sailing Ships of Costa Mesa

yesterday
you made a fool out of me
i never thought you would do it again

and last night
you played with me
i never thought you would do it again

but what... what can i do?
what's for me to do?

the sailing ships of costa mesa
they're coming to take me away from you
the sailing ships of costa mesa
they're coming to take me away from you

last week
you made an arse out of me
i never thought you would do it again

so please
just say you'll let me be
and never, never, never do it again

but what... what can i do?
what's for me to do?

the sailing ships of costa mesa
they're coming to take me away from you
the sailing ships of costa mesa
they're coming to take me away from you

The Velvet Curtain

and every day
i wake up with this feeling in my head
could you take it away
could you take it away

beautiful dreams
or nightmares waiting to haunt me
waiting to take me somewhere
i don't want to go

your memory haunts me every night
this feeling's ending with my life
just poke behind this velvet curtain
you'll see
it's still the same old me
i'm still the man you left behind
please, come back
please, just let me be

can't you see
can't you recognize me
you were so young when you left me
when you went away

i'm still the one you loved
i'm still the one who loved you
and i still love you every day
but i can't go on... not like this

your memory haunts me every night
this feeling's ending with my life
just poke behind this velvet curtain
you'll see
it's still the same old me
i'm still the man you left behind
please, come back
please, just let me be

All compassion removed

she left me on a thursday afternoon
why didn't she wait till friday?
i would have had the whole weekend to cry

i had to go to work on friday
and everyone knew
something was wrong
something was wrong
something's still wrong

why did she leave me here like this?
why did she leave me here like this?
why did she leave?

why did she go?
why did she say those things?
where is her heart?
all compassion removed from her

Weather Forecast

across the hail
across the snow
this terrible thaw will take us low
you know the pain is drifting away when things start melting down in your heart.
how do you feel when you're without me?

I'm your man

ladies and... ladies... the great Leonard Cohen.

...

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
I'm your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
I'm your man

The moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
But a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man

And if you've got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
I'm your man

If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you

words and music by L. Cohen

The wish list

be careful what you wish for.

The Intruder

i had my chance.
i remember well.
but...
you missed it too.

The Crack

suddenly... there was calm.

i knew it wouldn't last too long, so i decided to kill everything i loved and move forward.

mabe god is watching. maybe he's listening. maybe he doesn't exist, and now my loved one is just dead.

i sure hope god exists.

Today

just give in...
those who think... lose.
just today... just today.

Sunday welcomes the sad young man

much of the week is pretty tedious, there's just no happiness in repetition. lullabies expect me to fall asleep at the sound of their noise crawling into my head, but the years have long ago forgotten about the reasons why we are where we are. true, you didn't like being touched, especially by me, but this hands were meant to touch you, baby. they were never meant to touch you this much. but that's the price i pay for stepping into the tunnel of love. is there a light at the end of this one as well? i guess i'll soon find out. i was born to find out. too many questions, so much time. the answers just come as slowly as they are made up, and that's when boredom strikes... you should never wait too much to give an answer. but the unique thing is how you always find the way to crush habits on their head, by twisting the pages of our written love, or by saving the impossible things from the sea of perfection and showing them to me day after day after day. i might be sad, i might be bored, but i'm definitely young, and time is on my side, for better or for worse. so let's climb inside this train headed to a brick wall and enjoy the ride. what other possible way is there to encounter what we need to reach? everyday i have the same one question in my head... and i've never regretted saying it... so glad you answered quickly. so glad you said yes.

Homme Fatale

he told me it wouldn't hurt. i believed him.
too bad men always tell the truth.

The Cremulator

Some things were never meant to disappear.

The Rotten

there were some nights when your fury was scarce. true love can't always reign, i know. but you're just not the same as before. your body has grown tired, and my patience has grown thin. your body is not as warm as before. your hands can't hold me as they did days ago. you're no longer moist in the face of desire. something's in the air... something rotten smells in here. it's plain to see, at least for me... it's time to put my love in a body bag. oh dear, can't you see?

36 - 39 °F

it's not that i don't care, but my love for your body lacks any signs of respect. it's good that i do not believe in such a thing called soul, for i know it would feel quite tormented by this passion that takes hold of my skin, which grips you as if you don't feel anything. for you do, my loved one, i can only think that you do, or else it wouldn't make any sense to consume this act that weaves us together. i need to know you're enjoying it. i need to feel you need me to go on. why won't you let me know, dear? why don't you give in? you're so cold. it's oh so cold.

The Rose Cottage

it's cold in here. swallow your pride and give in to lust. a fresh warm lover awaits to be embraced. love knows no limits. love knows no harm. there won't be any complaints from the man above. passion does not need to be corresponded when the touch of the skin speaks for itself. no voice will tell you it loves you, but then again, no ears are expecting it. enjoy the moment. enjoy the silence.

The Defeat

one more blow to my heart and you'll be the one who falls.

The Trail

i turned around and saw the leaves i had just walked on, and i knew it was wrong. this path will never again be clean from mistake's steps. yesterday's moon will be forever covered in blood inside my mind, never again to be wiped off from experience. time tells no lies, they say. well, it should. i knew about you and joe williams. everyone did. i always kept my mouth shut. i'll always remember my last minute on this earth, when you leaned on my bed and told me you loved me. for a second there i thought you would tell me the truth, but you didn't... you didn't want to make my departure any more painful. i've always thanked you for that, for not telling the truth. time should learn from you.

The Awakening

it happened just like in the movies. i tossed and turned in my sleep and my hand didn't feel you next to me. your side of the bed was empty. you weren't there. you had gone away. it was january 21, and the world already looked quite different. i never received a call from you, or a note, just like you slipped into my life, you slid out of it... without noticing it, without expecting it. funny how things change.
i learned to walk again. i learned to stand on my own two feet again. days, weeks, months passed and they seemed to last forever. 11 months had passed and the unexpected happened... i received a note. it was from you. it was your handwriting. it carried your smell. it said "i'm sorry". it was december 21.
i can't say i was over you, it still hurt. it still does. but reading that note crumbled my world. i didn't know if i was happy to learn about you, or if i hated you for dropping by like that, without a warning. and just like death, you weren't near me, you weren't present, but you filled my life with fear, anxiety, curiosity. why did you send me that note? why did you send another one on november 21? it had the same words... "i'm sorry".
time passed, months passed, and the same thing happened. on october 21, then september 21, august 21... etc. and i grew frightened, i completely lost track of everything, i couldn't concentrate on my work, on my life, on the people around me, everything spinned around that one day... january 21, 12 years after.
11 years had passed and it was february 21. "i'm sorry". i read that note and it was the same surprise, just like those other 11 notes. i just had to wait 11 more months for that day... january 21... the day you left, never to return. those were the longest months in my life. i was scared, horrified, happy, distressed, angry. what would happen? would i finally see you? would you slip back into my life? would i want you to do that? and maybe the most important question... would i forgive you? i just had to wait and see. wait... that's all i'd done all that time.
and it came. it was january 21. i was supposed to receive a note on that morning. but, just like my biggest fear... nothing happened. you didn't show up. i didn't get a note from you. what had happened? weren't you supposed to tell me you were sorry? maybe you knew something i didn't. maybe you knew that i had finally forgiven you.

funny how things change.

Retreat/Surrender

the clouds were so black you could have sworn they had been dirtied by someone, by some fantasy, by some wicked lie. the birds seemed to know it, they were going somewhere, somewhere far... flocking to a safer place. i was standing at the door just thinking of the night before, and little thoughts crept into my head, like ants swarming into a nest, right after having killed its prey, lugging it home to start the feast. i don't like these ideas, but who am i to reject them. they make perfect sense, but still... it hurts. jeremy was talking about how he used to drive all the way from the coast just to see his daughter. you know jeremy... the perfect man. you always said you liked him, i don't blame you. jealousy is something that dissipates as the relationship grows. people say that when this happens, it's a sign of maturity. i say it's a sign of love sneaking out through the back alley. but hey, jeremy didn't understand my plans, so i just kept thinking about the night before. you know when things get to a peak, it's downhill from then on?... well, what a peak last night was. you were beautiful as ever, nothing seemed to stop us. i remember looking at us through the mirror... we looked so perfect... i think it was the light, it was the angle. but then this morning i woke up, and you weren't there. not a note. not a single goddamn note telling me what had happened. that's when my plan started mulling over inside my head. and it freaked me out. it scared the living shit out of me to really think about it, but i was determined to do it. i had no option. and time passed. about two hours ago i came to my senses, and i thought about what i'd been planning, and i started to cry. jeremy didn't console me... what a perfect man he is, huh? and that's when i realized i could never do it. but just having thought of it... in my mind that was like really killing you, so i actually ended up killing the only living part of me that was left. i looked at the sky, and the birds were already gone... to a safer place. one more time, i had my chance... and i missed it.

Wont' take that talk

I won't take that talk from no one, I won't take that talk from no one, inside it makes you ill. And the pity of it all you're fighting, you don't see it any more you're fighting... a size 12 fight in a size 10 war.

I said I'd never forget you, and I didn't and I never will. Have a dance, meet a girl you dig. Acting like the second coming. Words are only words. Said another way, got to stop treating people... like they have no feelings. Stop treating people... like they have no meaning.

I won't take that talk from no one, I won't take that talk from no one, inside it makes you ill. Soft as a mother's love, her hands were cool and graceful, and you'll get no complaints from me.

I said I'd never forget you, and I didn't and I never will. Have a dance, meet a girl you dig. Behaving like the second coming. Words were only words, so I tell myself, got to stop treating people... like they have no feelings. Stop treating people... like they have no meaning.

written by Adam Ant / Marco Pirroni / Boz Boorer

Water

drinking water... to purify my body.